Life After Mum…

Eleven days ago, my Mum passed away.

I have struggled with how to feel since then. Struggled at first with the numbness I felt at her passing, almost as if she had just popped to the shops. Not much had really changed, just that she was dead. That sounds strange when I read it back? In the eleven days since I have gone through a series of emotions, I suppose that is perfectly normal. I gradually thawed from the numbness I encountered after her burial. I felt I was somehow wanting as a daughter because I hadn’t yet cried, not when I saw her first in the hospice, not the long night I held her hand, put her oxygen tube back in her nostrils, held her as she became agitated. I watched my family and friends cry. I couldn’t. It just wouldn’t come.

At the funeral I thought “this must be the day” and waited for the tears to engulf me. I sat stoic, through the songs she had loved, through the bitter sweet words of those who had loved her. I looked behind me at shiny, tear stained faces of others and smiled. What the Fuck? You smiled?

When her cardboard coffin was lowered into the ground and I said goodbye to her physical being for the last time, nothing. I smiled and greeted and chatted with people at the pub afterwards, I felt exhausted. Maybe that was it, I was too tired to cry?

And then… it was all over, and as I sat in the petrol station on the way home, it hit me. The enormity of the fact I would never see her again, never speak to her, hear her voice, laugh with her, talk music, culture, films, drink bourbon, get exasperated by her, annoyed, bloody angry, cry with her.

All at once it came, that wave of sorrow I had been longing for. I was happy it came and at once ripped apart by grief that at 32 years old I had never felt. Our relationship was a complicated one, so of course why would her passing not be? Complicated in the fact that I didn’t know how to feel, angry with myself for not being a better daughter. Wasting so much time. Feeling sorry that she didn’t evolve into the person she had always wanted to be until the last two years of her life, you see, it took her to be facing death until she ever truly lived. But I was thankful for the tears, thankful that there was now the liquid proof that I loved her.

Since that day…a week ago, longer it seems. I have cried most days, every day in-fact and I almost welcome the tears. I imagine them to be her soft, smoky hands, caressing my face, saying “oh Tammy darling, everything will be alright” and even through the tears, or perhaps because of them, I know it will be.

Anti Diet Riot Club

Recently I had the absolute pleasure and privilege of being asked to model for an organisation that I have admired and followed since their inception, Anti Diet Riot Club.

For those of you that aren’t familiar with this wonderful community, they aim to fight back against diet culture and the unattainble standards they bring by celebrating a diverse range of bodies.

One of the ways they do this is by spreading self-love and body positivity through work-shops and seminars. I was asked to model as part of a group, the shoot aim was to capture promotional material for their upcoming festival, which is being held on January 19th in London. (Link for tickets at the bottom)

The premise of the shoot was something that captured the ideology of Anti Diet Riot Club and everyone who works with them, basically a great big Fuck You to diet culture and all it entails.

When I arrived at the studio I met the other lovelies involved in the shoot namely, Becky, Yaz, Harri, Zoe, Lucie, Sade and the photographer Imogen. All of these wonderful people have the Anti Diet Riot message close to their heart for one reason or another and it was a pleasure to work with such inspirational people.

The shoot would consist of wrecking, bashing and generally destroying things we would associate with diet culture such as scales, diet books, meal replacement shakes, diet cereals, low fat cook books, etc. I can say that I had no idea how hard a sledge hammer is to lift until I attempted to smash some scales with it, it was bloody great fun though! Everyone who took part in the shoot was amazing and it was so fun to watch Zoe stamp the shit out of some scales or Lucie in her boxing gloves, ready to punch diets in the face!

The feeling that I had when being surrounded by these fellow BoPo babes and ripping up a low fat cook book was incredible! It really cemented to me how absolutely important and needed Anti Diet Riot Club’s message is especially to young people growing up in a world which is filled with images of unattainable bodies and perfect (filtered) faces.

I am very much looking forward to the Anti Diet Riot Fest in a few weeks. They have some amazing guest speakers inclusing Erika Hart, Michelle Elman, Stephanie Yeboah. There will be various panel discussions and self-help sessions, life-drawing, a Bopo dance class from ‘The School of Strut.’ It really does promise to be a day filled with amazing people with something positive and genuinely helpful to contribute to a society that so often seems to be filled with consumerist bullshit about why we are still not good enough, skinny enough, not fulfilling our true potential. This day aims at finding self-worth, feeling content in our bodies whatever they look like and fighting back against diet culture. There is not better time to do that than in January, a month which traditionally involves starting one diet or another! Well Fuck that and join us in Hoxton for a day which I am sure will leave you with a huge smile on your face.









How to cope with your toxic family messaging group!

When being connected to your family makes you want to move to Antarctica…

We have all been there, I am sure. You are part of a family messaging group on WhatsApp or Facebook and sometimes it seems like being part of this is actually slightly polarising you all rather than bring you closer together. So how can you deal with all the  family niggles, feeling left out of the ‘in’ jokes and the constant slew of pressure that comes from the family forum?


Ever had times when you have received a message or a reply to one sent that seems very off-hand, almost rude? It is at times like these that it is good to remember that people are constantly in a rush. So your well thought out message of “how is your day going? Everything good with you.?” may be met with a curt “yep” may be simply as a result of lack of time. Perhaps your Sister is at work and quickly messaged back or risk forgetting completely. We have all been there.

You also can not gauge tone through messages. What was meant in a funny way by the sender, could be met with distain and even hurt by the recipient. I have often said things through text to my family that I intended as funny, only to be met with anger. Humour through text is very hard to read…however emojis can help sometimes to alleviate this, just be careful not to accidently send the aubergine one to your Gran!


If you have family members that question your life choices, sexuality, career prospects or anything else that you just don’t feel comfortable discussing in a group, make sure you take them aside (either in person or in a separate message) and politely discuss with them what you are, and aren’t willing to talk about. If you are really badass you could always say this on the family group, but it may distressing to those of the group that don’t keep up with every message and have no idea why their second cousin is writing in caps “I AM NOT COMFORTABLE DISCUSSING THIS!!!”


Now this is a tough one to handle because it needles directly at our sense of belonging, which is why we joined the family messaging group in the first place right? You open the group to find your family happily chatting about the event they are all going to next Saturday, what time they are meeting, who is providing the food? Hold on, have you forgotten? Nope. you haven’t been invited. Which is fine because technically you live 300 miles away and it is such short notice….but still, an invite is always nice. Now try and not take this one to heart. You don’t invite every single person you know to everything you do, do you? So let it go. Or get even and throw an epic party just for you and your cats and don’t invite a single one of them! (Who are you tying to kid, that is a normal Saturday night for you anyway.)


My last bit of advice for navigating the dangers of the family messaging group is…do not leave, but mute. if you leave a group in a mood, people will automatically wonder what is wrong and maybe that is your intention, after all we all need a little extra attention at times. (me, not so much..HA!) BUT you will only look like a bit of an idiot when you ask your Auntie to add you back into the group and carry on like nothing ever happened. So, the solution is mute the group. You can stop receiving any messages or notifications about the group on most messaging platforms. It can work wonders if you need a cooling off period.

After all is said and done, a family messaging group can be a wonder and a disaster at the same time, pretty much like a normal family in a face to face environment. But for families who don’t have the access to face to face relations very often, it is a wonderful life-line and a way to connect. I love to see photographs of my Brothers’ travels and what cake my Sister made at the weekend. Cherish it.


The Real Catwalk.

On Saturday I took part in a flash-mob style, activist catwalk founded last year by America’s Next Top Model graduate Khrystyana Kazakova. Khrystyana started the catwalk to redefine accepted standards of beauty in fashion and media.

As a fierce campaigner for inclusivity and body-positivity, I jumped at the chance when I was asked to take part! I hungrily looked over the pictures on social media of last years catwalk and prepared myself for what was to come.

The lead up to the catwalk was filled with love and encouragement in the form of messages on a group chat of all of those taking part. The amount of helping comments and words of wisdom and support from the individuals in the group was one of the most beautiful things I have taken from the experience as a whole. Of course baring yourself in a public place can be daunting but the group chat members never failed to pick each other up and bolster those who were loosing faith.

The night before the catwalk we all met for a picnic in Soho Square. This was a lovely idea because it meant we could get to know each other before hand an put faces to names. It was a lovely atmosphere filled with excitement and a touch of anxiety! Khrystyana was lovely and really helped to quash everyone’s fears before the big event.

In the morning, myself and fellow Plus-size beauty Kaisa, got ready. We made our way to Trafalgar for the rehearsals, quaffing prosecco along the way! As you do!

When we got to near Trafalgar it was time to rehearse. We were out of the taxi and onto the rehearsal catwalk within 30 seconds! Talk about a baptism of fire!

After some mingling with other walkers it was time for the big show!

We moved to where the catwalk was taking place which was directly outside the National Gallery. Waiting in the queue to actually walk, was utterly nerve wracking but so much fun. You could hear the sounds coming from the amazing beat boxer and drummer and the cheers from the crowd as others in front did their thang on the catwalk.

Pretty soon it was my turn! I waited behind the catwalk curtain and after a hug and words of encouragement from the founder Khrystyana it was my time!

Walking through the curtain, I was greeted by a sea of faces, some smiling, some bemused. But it was clear that we had caused a stir and achieved in highlighting inclusivity in the fashion world.

As I walked I thought ‘right you only have one go at this, so make it bloody count girl!’ So I did what I do best. I pouted, posed and slapped my fat ass down that catwalk! It felt completely liberating and the buzz was incredible.

And then it was all over, in what felt like a second I had done it. I had been part of something very special. Something that felt like it could actually change the world for the better.

During the day I met the most incredible people of all shapes and sizes, of all abilities, of all colours, of all sexualities. What mattered was that in that moment, on that catwalk, we were all equal and that is exactly how the fashion and media world should consider us. Every day ‘normal’ need and deserve representation. Not just for the benefit of those who would work in the fashion world but for those watching. It is not healthy to see one, singular body type on the catwalk or in the magazine, especially as that body type may be unattainable. I honestay believe that The Real Catwalk can help change the face of fashion to the more inclusive, which in my view, makes the world a more welcoming place.


I am very excited and proud to announce that our first Plus-size Empowerment Workshop is now up and running. Tickets are now on sale!
Take a look at what an amazing afternoon you will experience below…..
Be part of a wonderful workshop and photo-shoot that accepts and empowers you. Learn to love yourself whatever shape or size.

About this Event

Want to feel content with your body?

Want to feel confident in what you wear?

Fed up with looking at yourself in the mirror and not liking what you see?

Now is the time to change how you feel about your body and combat issues surrounding body image.

Learn to love yourself whatever shape or size.

Be part of a wonderful community that accepts and empowers each other for how you are, exactly how you are.

Join our fabulous team for an afternoon of fun, fashion and feeling confident during which you will experience:

*Complimentary glass of Prosecco and nibbles upon arrival

* Body Positivity workshop during which you will take the first steps in embracing yourself and loving your body

* Model pose training

* Make-up done by a professional artist before photo- shoot

* Photo-shoot with experienced photographer (Tendai Pottinger )

* Individual guidance from experienced model during shoot

*select and keep 2 images which will be professionally edited (option to purchase more)

* leave feeling empowered and fabulous!


find us on social media:



The camping weekend that I discussed in my most recent post was a lovely, sunny, rainy, boozy success!

Day one consisted of meeting my Sister Rebecca and her 4 kids only, everyone else would be joining us on the next day. That meant we got to choose the best spots to put our tents. However we arrived on the Thursday at around 12 noon, on the hottest day since records started in Britain! Now 39 degrees Celsius might not seem like very hot to the rest of the world but to our little British Isle it is as if Hades himself had descended. Despite the heat the putting up of tents went pretty smoothly. My new tent, as I mentioned before was a blow up one. That meant that all we had to do was pump air into 3 main tubes and the tent was up! Luckily we also got some cloud coverage so despite it being cruelly muggy, the sun wasn’t beating down on us in full force.

I cooked the entire 4 days that I spent on the campsite using a camp fire! I was pretty proud of myself really because that method of cooking is not something I am used to doing. I also was the one who lit the fires, sometimes in the pouring rain successfully! Go me! The first night I made a yummy Paella for us all, using my new Paella dish which I found at a food festival. It was great as it was sturdy enough to withstand the heat of being put directly on to the embers of the fire. It produced a wonderfully smoky taste which is impossible to achieve at home on a conventional oven hob.



We had a glorious night sitting around the campfire and chatting. There is something about the outdoor air that makes me bloody tired so by 11PM I was asleep in my tent. Not on a dreaded air bed! The night was really warm so I actually slept without and P.JS on at all and only one blanket. By 1am however the heavens opened and the thunder and lightening was spectacular. The rain then didn’t stop until around 3pm the next day, which meant having to light the camp fire and keep it burning in the rain, cook on it and help keep four children including a 1 year old amused and as dry as possible!

By the late afternoon we had given up attempting to keep the children safely in the tent and dry which culminated in the two youngest girls splashing in a massive muddy puddle in their knickers. It was so funny to watch and just what kids need, getting back to nature and being silly!

The rain came on and off for the next day but with nowhere near as much power as that morning. By the time all the family had arrived and set up it was beautiful sunshine. Just what everyone wants, except my Grandmother Miriam and younger Sister Bethany who can’t stand the heat!


The Saturday afternoon we all sat together in a huge circle of camp chairs and had a very English afternoon tea which consisted of scones, jam and cream and lots of cake! Heaven. The only problem then was the hundreds of wasps which were attracted by all of the sweet smells.



Our family and friends love to sing songs around the campfire when it gets dark. Our favourites is “The Quartermaster’s Song” during which we change the lyrics of the song to rhyme with each member of the circles name. For example my verse has always been “there was Tam, Tam, eating bread and Jam” , my Brothers verse goes “there was Tim, Tim, very nice but dim.”  Do other people do this too? I have never thought to ask anyone?! My partner Nick has never really ‘got’ our sing-a-long nature, his family doesn’t sit around and sing together. I guess it just seems natural and fun to us but to others it seems odd  o just randomly break into song!

The hottest day was the day of leaving the site on the Sunday. The sun was beautifully hot, which isn’t necessarily good when you can’t sit in the shade as you have a tent to take down, it is however better than trying to pack away a tent in the rain! Now that is ghastly.


Next weekend myself and two friends are camping at Devil’s Dyke in Brighton for Gay Pride.  It will actually be the first ever Pride I have attended so I am very excited about going. Hopefully the weather will be hot and sunny.  Now just to decide what to wear for it…..


Plus-size Camping!

Tomorrow I am off to Sussex for our families yearly camping extravaganza!Normally my family and friends, sometimes over 100 of us, camp at Heartfield. Heartfield was 10 acres of land that my Mum owned for 10 years up until last year when she sold it after her diagnosis of terminal cancer.We actually had a living wake for her there last year, we thought itwould be her last Summer but low and behold she has made it to Summer 2019, so this year, now Heartfield is gone, we are going to a regular campsite a few minutes down the road.Camping for a Plus-size babe can be daunting. It is not only the heat, the chub rub, the sweating that makes me uncomfortable but I have a genuine HUGE dislike for blow up mattresses. I find being a bigger girl does not bode well for a peaceful nights sleep on an air filled matress. I roll onto it in the dark, sometimes wet night, to be engulfed by both sides, almost suffocating me! I find it really difficult to get up out of the thing if I need a pee In the small hours…what the hell do I hold on to?Now though, through years of trial and error, I have found the perfect solution! My 4 plastic garden chairs, which I purchased second hand, have steadily over the years crumbled and snapped however they did come with a comfy cushion that ran the entire length of the chair. I now lay these 4 chair covers on the tent ground and cover with other pillows and about 5 duvets…and you get the most brilliant non moving, sturdy bed for the night. No more rolling around on your back like some kind of demented whale, grasping at mid air. 🤩Anyway, packing for camping is something I always overdo.. I take the entire bloody kitchen with me. This year I vow to be different, a wild camper might emerge from this homebody of a woman…perhaps one day I wont even need a tent!Speaking of tents, this year we have purchased a tent that doesnt actually use poles….it is blown up into being…how I hear you cry? It is kind of what I have been asking myself.. more on that in the next blog in which I shall be spilling all about this new fangled, blow up monstrosity. (I will try and remember to take pictures!)Wish me luck!

Hello again…

Hello again to my followers and those of you already familiar with this blog. Also a hello to all you new comers that are just discovering these plus-size, model-tastic, mental health laden, quirky humoured scribbles.

I took a brief hiatus from writing and it is lovely to be back!

Since writing my last blog I have made the scary jump into the world of Curve modeling which I must say is fantastic and completely liberating. I shall be writing all about my recent shoots in upcoming blogs and posting some examples from the photoshoots, so do stay tuned.

I have also, since my last blog, been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have struggled with my mental health for 20 years so to finally reach a diagnosis that feels accurate is helpful. I shall be writing more about my recent experiences with the mental health teams and my thoughts so far.

So, to end this brief blog, I’ve missed writing, my thoughts need a cathartic flow into something tangible, so I am excited to do that here, with words. I hope you enjoy reading!

Top Tips for the Curvy Fashionista this Season.

This Autumn/Winter season is jam-packed with possibilities for us Curvy girls and Plus-Size style savvy. The high street has caught on to the fact that the average size in the U.K has historically NOT been represented and has bought its Curve ranges to the forefront. No longer are bigger beauties maligned by swathes of disgusting fabrics and unflattering cuts. We can now dress exactly how we want, or even, exactly like everyone else. Fashion companies are no longer making interesting and fashionable clothes for the smaller sizes only, we can be included now too!

This weekend I had an absolute blast at the Curve Fashion Festival in Liverpool. Being surrounded by so many mainstream stores who now stock clothes for the larger contingency of the U.K (which statistically is actually more people than it isn’t.) made me and a whole host of other women very happy. The ranges from the likes of BOOHOO, VERY, MATALAN, SIMPLY BE, PRETTY LITTLE THING, YOURS  and RIVER ISLAND were impressive and exactly what we have been crying out for. There were also a myriad of smaller and less well-known,  Plus-size fashion brands, which had some simply divine collections and stand- out pieces which will make any Curvy woman look utterly draw-dropping and on-point fashion wise.

So, with that in mind, I have compiled my ‘top tips’ for any curvy, fashion-forward individual this Winter.



Jumpsuits have always had a special place in my wardrobe. They are at once playful and stylish. This A/W season sees the jumpsuit jazzed up to the max with multi-coloured examples and jumpsuits adorned with glittery lines. Jump suits are also mega comfortable except when us ladies need the toilet and have to strip to our underwear! Then the struggle is real!

See the source image

Lovedrobe GB Silver Wrap Jumpsuit - Large Size

Lovedrobe GB Silver Wrap Jumpsuit


This jumpsuit is so on point for the Winter season. Its spangly top half is everything you need to feel festive whilst its simple trousers mean it is not too over the top. Could be worn with heels for a night out but equally with some shiny flats for a more toned down look. Who can resist this gem of a jump suit at such a price!

Koko Black Jumpsuit with Lace Details - Large Size


Also from Lovedrobe and not ticking just one of my must have boxes but two (lace), we have this gorgeous and feminine lace detailed example.  It is such an elegant and flattering design. Its faux wrap over tailoring is great for accentuating those killer curves.  This would look stunning with a sequinned jacket and heels.


 The Wrap Dress


Red Wrap-Over Maxi Dress

LOVE4ALL £29.99 (BFS) SIZES 16-32

Now this dress is a real elegant show stopper. The colour is so lush, vibrant and screams Christmas! The wrap design is so comfortable and makes your curves the envy of all those who come into contact with you! It also has three quarter length sleeves which are a particular weakness of mine as I like to cover my arms, also brilliant for keeping warm in the colder months. I would love to dress this down with a fur body gilet and flat pumps or thigh boots.





Glitter has jumped straight out of festival season and into the Winter Wonderland! It is now Tres Chic to wear as much glitter as you like! I love to wear  glitter on my eyelids that coordinates with the colour of my outfit. You can also make a big entrance with glitter in certain areas of your face. Down the side of your face, from the top of your eye to your cheek, looks pretty rocking!

I had the pleasure of being ‘glittered up’ by Emily Charlotte at The Curve Fashion Festival. She runs a company called Reflections which produce the most amazing glitter products and all at a great price. To top it all off her glitters are completely cruelty free.



Sequins and Sparkles




Even though my face doesn’t show it…I absolutely ADORED this sparkling, silver sequin extravaganza from boohoo. It was actually really comfortable and not at all scratchy like some sequinned dresses can tend to be. It also was quite light, so will be easy to dance in at those Christmas parties!

Their range was filled to the brim with sequins, glitter and fur trims. You will feel like Hollywood royalty when wearing any of their dresses. I guarantee it. This silver dress also comes in a slinky black. It is now only £35.00 in the sale at present,  so get buying ladies as I am sure this will go fast! This comes in sizes 6-24.



Just admire this  bombshell above! How gorgeous does she look? This is my fellow Curve model and friend Kaisa, who always looks unstoppable in anything she wears but particularly in this dress from BOOHOO.

The all over sequinned look is bang on trend this Winter and will blow your blues concerning the cold weather to the North Pole! Who could resist being joyful when they are this sparkly!




I came home from the Curve Fashion Festival with a spring in my Plus-size step and also this beautiful dress. It feels like liquid gold on your skin and glitters like it too. I felt like an absolute Queen in this and you can too for the unbelievable price of just £20! That really is a price to be shouting about. Well done Matalan!





The incredibly statuesque Kaisa models the Joanna Hope Cross Front Velvet dress in Berry. You can achieve this look for a steal, as this dress is currently on sale at Simply Be for £49! Velvet is one of my all time favorite materials to wear, it makes me feel like I am channeling Marilyn Monroe! Add some extra sass, like Kaisa has done and compliment your look with  some lavish metallic heels,  statement jewelry and a figure hugging belt.



Lace Bodycon Dress LOVE4AALL £32.99 (BLACK FRIDAY SALE) SIZES 14-24

Bardot Lace Dress


It seems that lace being on the runways has emerged again, not that it ever left my wardrobe! Here are some sensual examples from Love4All. The black number is elegant and classic with its 60’s style tailoring. You really wouldn’t need much else other than this dress to turn heads.

The red example is just darling. I especially love the neckline. It almost invites a little nibble of your neck under that mistletoe!




Koko Black Faux Fur Chevron Jumper - Large Size


Fur is always suitable for the colder months and now we can all feel morally safe as there is so much faux fur available to us. This cute jumper from Lovedrobe will keep you nice and toasty whilst slaying it fashion wise.



Animal Print
Koko Blue Leopard Print Shirt Dress - Large Size New in


Animal print never seems to go out of fashion and why would it when it looks this good!? This shirt has the cutest bow wrap detailing that will chinch in that waist and flaunt your curves. I absolutely love, love, love this!

Multi Leopard Pencil Skirt


Oh hello neon and animal print! I have been waiting for you! This skirt is what every vixen needs in their wardrobe. This skirt skims your booty like butter off a hot knife. and the colours go so well with a whole myriad of different palettes. Either with flats or some sexy boots this skirt is THE perfect addition to your Autum/Winter wardrobe. A MUST have!!


Whatever you Plus-sized ladies wear this Winter I am sure you will look fabulous but I do hope this article has given you some ideas and inspiration on ways to make your Festive wardrobe that extra bit decorative.

Happy Shopping!



(All prices were accurate at time of writing.)